STUDY BOOK The power of language and actions, the basis for

COACHING: El poder del lenguaje y las acciones

When the other fails to deliver on the promise, the grievance is legitimized. This is based on an honest and rigorous conversation to redesign actions to repair the affected relationship and to generate a new process of action in order to achieve the desired outcome. We often avoid making a complaint in order not to appear problematic, to avoid embarrassing the other person, to avoid confrontation or to be very sceptical about the possibility of change. At other times I take on the role of the victim and instead of making a complaint I settle into complaining and stay in a vicious circle. The only thing we gain from both behaviors is to delay the achievement of the desired results. According to Kofman, for a claim to be productive, a number of elements need to be taken into account.

A summary of these is set out below:

1. Establish a purpose and context for the conversation (it is about resolving a problematic situation and not about shaming, disqualifying or punishing). 2. Affirm and corroborate the previous commitment (we had agreed that the project had 4 basic follow-up moments and you committed to be present at all of them). 3. Verify non-compliance: (In the last two follow-up meetings you were not present and I did not receive any apology from you).

4. Probe for reasons or motives for non-compliance (What happened to you? What is the story of the other?)

5. Assess damages and express claims at three levels:

• Operationally: we had to leave issues unfinished because your opinion was important.

• Relationally: "this affects..." (Usually a non-compliance generates a chain of non-compliance). (Generally a breach generates a chain of breaches).

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European Open Business School