STUDY BOOK The power of language and actions, the basis for

The power of language and actions: the basis for coaching

STUDY BOOK

COACHING: El poder del lenguaje y las acciones

INDEX

1. THE POWER OF LANGUAGE ................................................................................................... 3 1.1. The Linguistic Acts that Create Reality .................................................................... ...... 3 1.2. Statements, Judgments and Declarations ..................................................................... 3 1.3. Conversation Design . . ......................................................................................... ......... .. 9 1.4. The Generative Power of Language ............................................................................. 16 2. COORDINATION OF ACTIONS ............................................................................................ ... 21 2.1. Commitments versus requests, offers and promises ............................................... . . . . 21 2.2. Fears and difficulties in asking, offering or complaining .. . ........................................... 25 2.3. Confidence Building . ............ .......................................................................................... 29

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1. THE POWER OF LANGUAGE. The Linguistic Acts that Create Reality 1.1.

In the traditional conception, language describes reality. Our common sense assumes that language describes the state of affairs. This conception assumes that reality is already there long before language, and what language does is simply to describe it. By the second half of the 20th century, with the emergence of the philosophy of language, this changed. The philosophy of language argued that when we speak we not only describe an existing reality; we also act. Language is action. Linguistic acts refer to the acts we perform when we speak. This postulate makes it possible to say that there are five fundamental linguistic acts:

• Affirmations. • Statements. • Promises. • Petitions. • Offers.

1.2. Statements, Judgments and Declarations • Affirmations.

When the word must fit the world, when the world is the one that leads to the word, then we speak of affirmations. Statements belong to the linguistic group called descriptions, they describe things as we have observed them, not as they are, within the distinctions of the social and cultural environment. All human beings can see an event from a different place and describe it differently. Even biological factors can affect this, e.g. colour blindness. Due to the common observational capacity of human beings, it is possible to distinguish between true and false statements.

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A true statement is a proposition for which we can provide a witness.

A false statement is a proposition that is subject to confirmation, but which any witness, any person who was present on the occasion, could disprove.

When we make affirmations we are talking about the state of our world and we are talking about an already existing world. Affirmations have to do with the world of facts.

• The Trials.

When we make an assertion, the first thing to consider is the content of the assertion, differentiating between facts and value judgements. Facts are of a probable and specific nature, whereas value judgements are based on a personal opinion or perception of what we are saying. A clear example of this would be "this morning there was an earthquake measuring 6.5 on the Richter scale" or "this morning there was a very strong earthquake, similar to one several years ago". In the first sentence, a specific fact is given, with clear and undeniable data. In the second sentence, the person's appreciation of how he or she felt the tremor is given. For a person who lived through the earthquake of 1985, this sentence is totally false. When we speak from the facts there is generally agreement, but when it comes to judgements there is not, personal perception becomes something that can lead to conflict. Although the content of the sentences seems to be the same, this difference has important characteristics when it comes to understanding what the person is saying. Many of our conceptions about good and evil, about justice, wisdom, beauty and truth, etc., are based precisely on the assumption that we can deal with them objectively, independently of the observer making the assertion. A sharp distinction must be made between the assertions. For this we must abandon the old understanding that language describes reality. It is only by admitting that language is action that we can see the profound difference between them all. Why do we say that they are different actions?

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Because the speaker who makes these assertions is committing himself in each case to something very different. We say that speaking is not innocent; that every time we speak we commit ourselves in one way or another to the community in which we speak and that all speaking has practical efficacy insofar as it modifies the world and the possible.

• Statements

When we make statements we do not talk about the world, we generate a new world for ourselves. The word generates a different reality. After what was said has been said, the world is not the same as before. The world is different after the statement. The action of making a statement generates a new reality which in turn leads to a new action, they are the clearest expression of the power of the word, that what is said is transformed into reality; that reality is transformed according to the will of the speaker. Statements are not related to our shared capacities of observation, they are related to power. Statements are valid or invalid according to the power of the person issuing them. A declaration implies a different kind of commitment from affirmations. When we declare something we commit ourselves to behave consistently with the new reality we have declared. When we make a statement we also commit ourselves to the validity of our statement. This means that we claim to have the authority to make such a statement and that it was made according to socially accepted norms.

Some key statements

In order to issue certain declarations it is necessary to have the proper authority. Without such authority having been granted, these declarations are neither valid nor effective. However, there is a range of statements that do not require a social grant of authority, but are associated with a person's own dignity.

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A set of statements pertaining to this area of personal authority is explained below. The text cites only six, although several more could be added.

o The statement of denial: the "No"

Saying "No" is one of the most important statements an individual can make. Through it he or she asserts both his or her autonomy and his or her legitimacy as a person; it is the declaration in which we pledge our dignity, we defend the right not to accept the state of affairs we face and the demands that others may make of us. This is an inalienable right that no one can take away from us. Every time we feel we should say "No" and we do not say it, our dignity is compromised. Every time we say "No" and it is overlooked, we will consider that we were not respected. This is a statement that defines the respect we have for ourselves and that others will have for us. It is a statement that plays a decisive role in shaping our relationships with our partners, our friendships, our work relationships, our relationship with our children, etc. According to how we exercise the right to declare "No", we define one or another way of being in life, we also define one or another way of living. The statement "No" can take different forms. It is not always manifested by saying "No", sometimes we recognise it when someone says "Enough", "That's enough", etc. Yes' seems not to be as powerful as 'No'. After all, life is an open space for "Yes". As long as we do not say "No", it is usually assumed that we are in the "Yes". In saying it, we accept the commitment we made when we said "Yes" or its equivalent "I accept". When this happens we put at stake the value and respect of our word. Few things affect a person's identity more seriously than saying "Yes" and not acting consistently with that statement. One area where this is decisive is in the area of promises. o The declaration of acceptance: the "Yes".

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o The ignorance statement "I don't know".

It seems to be a statement without much significance. One might even argue that it is not a statement, but an affirmation, and in some cases it can indeed be considered as such. Declaring "I don't know" is the first link in the learning process. It implies accessing that threshold where I know that I don't know and open myself to learning.

o The declaration of gratitude.

The declaration of "Thank you" is an opportunity to celebrate all that life has provided us and to acknowledge others for what they do for us and what they mean in our lives. The generative power of the action we take in saying "Thank you" is important. When someone fulfils to our full satisfaction what he or she has committed to us and we say "Thank you", we are not only registering that fulfilment, we are also building a relationship with that person. By declaring our gratitude, we not only take a stand towards others and towards life. In doing so, we participate in the generation of our relationships with them and in the building of our life. When we fail to live up to what we have committed to or when our actions harm others, we must take responsibility for them. The way we usually do this is by saying "Sorry". In Spanish, the declarative act of forgiveness is often expressed in the form of a petition. We say "Sorry" or "I apologize". In doing so, we make the declaration of forgiveness made by the person who assumes responsibility for the actions that caused the injury, depend on the injured party. The declarative act of the injured person saying "I forgive you" makes it more meaningful and is a different action. The important thing about keeping these two actions separate is that it allows us to recognise the efficacy of saying "I forgive you" regardless of the response that is elicited from the other. o The declaration of forgiveness

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The forgiveness of the other does not absolve us of our responsibility, but having said "Sorry", even if the other did not forgive us, is in itself of greater importance and the world we build is different regardless of what the other says, depending on whether or not we have declared it. On many occasions declaring "Sorry" can be insufficient as a way of taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions. In addition to forgiveness, we have to take responsibility for repairing the harm done or compensating the other. But this does not diminish the importance of declaring forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an act of grace to the one who hurt us. Forgiveness is a declarative act of personal liberation. By forgiving we break the chain that binds us to the perpetrator and keeps us as victims. By forgiving we take charge of ourselves and resolve to end an open process that continues to reproduce the harm that was originally done to us. In forgiving we recognise that not only the other, but also ourselves, are now responsible for our own well-being. Self-forgiveness has the same liberating effect as above and to do so is a manifestation of love for oneself and for life.

o The declaration of love: Saying "I love you".

It does no more than describe how one feels. The emotion one feels for another is not changed by expressing it, but saying it or not saying it makes a difference to the relationship we build with each other, particularly when it is someone who is important to us or who may be wanting to hear that statement. Declaring "I love you" or "I love you" participates in the construction of my relationship with the other and is part of the creation of a shared world. Words are actions; silence, therefore, can be a form of non-action that changes relationships.

On the relationship between statements and declarations.

Statements represent the primary linguistic act par excellence, the one that creates the conditions for the emergence of the others. Without denying the distinction that has made between affirmations and declarations, for us to have affirmations we

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require a declarative space in which they are constituted.

The statements account for our observations and these operate within a given space of distinctions. Any space of distinctions, the condition of affirmations, is a declarative space. My evaluations of what is possible in the world in terms of my action rest on the assertions I can make about it. At the same time, many assertions may have no significance in terms of my possibilities for action. Therefore, not every affirmation is equally important to me. This leads to a distinction with respect to assertions. These are distinguished between true and false, and we can furthermore establish that they are also distinguished between relevant and irrelevant statements, depending on the relation they have to our concerns. Claims account for the world we live in and, therefore, our ability to make claims speaks to the size and character of our world. In order to develop the theme of the relevance of our claims, two further distinctions need to be introduced. These are the distinctions of concerns and judgements, which will be discussed below.

1.3. Conversation Design.

"All human living takes place in conversations and it is in this space that the reality in which we live is created " (Humberto Maturana).

Human beings are conversational beings. Everything in life is a conversation, and depending on our capacities and competences we will achieve efficient conversations and therefore positive results, or on the contrary, negative results because our conversations are inefficient. They happen all the time, whether we are ready or not. Conversations are the "semantic fabric" that makes up the organisation. Their identity and culture will be determined to a large extent by this language device.

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We say that a conversation is a dance that takes place between speaking and listening, and between listening and speaking. And this is where the problem comes in: lacking listening skills, we constantly generate conflicts that lead to emotional exhaustion with a high cost for physical and psychological health.

From the moment we wake up to the time we rest, conversations are part of our lives. Whether we are protagonists or witnesses, they influence our decisions and the reality in which we live. We usually have a moderate awareness of the importance of the linguistic exchanges we have with other people. We do not notice or distinguish important elements that make them up, and essential aspects that influence the outcomes of those exchanges. This is particularly relevant in organisations, and in the results they obtain with the different conversational frameworks they have and generate. Whether they are sporting, academic, professional, religious institutions, or companies that market products or services, awareness of the conversational space is vital for their growth and development. Without this "awareness", there will be no place for a professional management of this core space in the different human collectives.

Components of a conversation.

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As we said, conversations have components, elements that integrate them and that their discernment facilitates analysis and makes action possible According to Rafael Echeverría, a conversation is basically made up of three dimensions: Language, Emotionality and Corporality.

In language, the most relevant emphasis should be placed on listening, and in the speaks.

It should be borne in mind that there are different modalities of speech (more inquiring or more propositional), and basic linguistic acts such as affirmations and declarations. Statements have also been analysed above and have to do with judgements, requests, offers or promises. Being aware of one's own and others' emotionality is also extremely important.

Linked to this is corporeality: what happens to my emotions when I am in a certain body position, and vice versa? Is my corporeality coherent with what I am feeling and what I am saying? How do I manage to work on a structure of coherence?

Knowing these concepts and components of a conversation is indispensable for sustaining strategies, and designing conversations that have positive results for a given purpose. Conversations are design spaces. These spaces are made up of people. What spaces for conversation are there in my institution and organisation? Who are the members, what are the formal spaces, are there informal spaces, do they exist? Once the spaces have been identified, it is necessary to analyse whether these conversations are aligned with the organisation's goals and, more importantly, whether they are helping to build the organisation. It is not a matter of control, it is a matter of professionally managing an aspect in the life of a company or team that is key to its development.

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At the same time, it is necessary to identify what kind of conversations usually take place. If they are conversations to coordinate actions, if they are conversations of justification, of judgements and explanations, or perhaps to build relationships. Observing the equation of the different dialogues will give us the pulse of many things and the real climate that is being experienced. There may be an absence of conversation, or a volume that is not meaningful. This is a clear symptom of deeper problems. In reality, conversations are taking place, but in the personal sphere, what we call private conversations, those that take place within the individual, and which do not manifest themselves publicly.

The observer that we are is the key

Ultimately, in order to engage in meaningful and fruitful analysis, it is necessary to train as careful and sensitive observers of the other and the environment. It is relevant to develop the ability to distinguish different spaces and types of conversations. Conversational networks are the framework through which the team, the organisation, and the individual will "walk". Ontological Coaching proposes a generative conception of language. In this sense, language generates action and enables the construction of new realities. Leaders who have the responsibility of guiding their teams need to become aware of the importance of this aspect of language and its impact on conversations, and become agents of transformation. Leaders with the necessary distinctions will help build strong conversational networks, with the right volume and focus. The Conversational Follow-up Model as an essential tool to develop the conversations we have to have in a constant and systematic way, in an intelligent and effective manner.

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All communication is based on what we call Conversational Networks , i.e. public conversations between different people with different visions, opinions, personalities and beliefs, which make these a dynamic of enormous complexity.

This model will facilitate the preparation and reflection of any Conversational Project.

The Conversational Monitoring Model is constructed from 10 sections:

1. Date of the conversation: Specify the place, day, time and duration that the designed conversation will take place. 2. Project: Detailed description of the design of the conversation to be carried out , which can be for the coordination of actions, relationship building, grievance meetings, complaint and conflict resolution, preparation of any type of meeting, substantiation of judgements and any action or event that involves a specific conversation. It is recommended in this section to identify the people who will participate in the conversation and the expected outcomes. 3. Create Context: In this section, we have to write down everything I think about the conversation I am going to have or we are going to have. This is what we call the period of reflection through "private conversation", that is, writing down the evidence (facts), reviewing the events, interpreting everything we have investigated (heard) about the situation and, in short, talking to ourselves and writing down everything we think and interpret. 4. Inquiring: This is the most important section, it is 80% of the result that we can have in the conversation. Inquiring is listening, making requests for information, in short, receiving the maximum information about everything that happens in relation to the conversational project that we have detected and described in the first section of the model.

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So far, all the sections described above are steps prior to the real conversation that we are going to have on the date we have committed ourselves to; they are the sections that make up the conversational design.

5. Interpreting: Based on the conversational design that we have made, we obtain our own personal conclusions from our interpretations of the situation that has occurred or that we are going to undertake. In this section, there is a part prior to the conversation and another, which takes place during the conversation, in which we write down the interpretations we obtain from the information we are listening to. From this moment on, we enter a new dynamic, public conversations, where information is shared among different people. 6. Reinterpret: This is the phase where trust is obtained between the people taking part in the conversation, it is what we call, shared background of concerns: trust, we detect whether we are speaking the same language, whether the concerns are the same or not, whether the objectives pursued converge or not, whether the predispositions are positive or not, for this, we must use phrases such as: "I have understood that what you have just said is...", "I interpret that what affects you is...", "you mean that what you intend is....", this is the language of feedback, verifying that I have interpreted the information transmitted correctly, and all this information in a synthetic way is noted down in this section. 7. Postponing : When we end a conversation, we interpret the declaration of the end of the conversational project, which can take the form of a request - offer, or what we call postponing, which refers to delaying the closure of the conversation or declaration of the end of the conversation, to other conversational engagements. We postpone, either because we understand that it is more feasible because we do not obtain the result expected, either because of the negative

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emotional state that the conversation has led to, or because we realise that we need to investigate further in order to achieve the expected result. It is a strategic decision that can allow us to reorient the conversational project we have started in order to achieve the expected results. 8. Request - Offer: We understand that the conversation has been effective, raising the declaration of termination on the basis of two statements: statement of request, in which we propose an action or actions to the other person, that is, to the receiver, who is the one who accepts or does not accept the proposal. There is no request if the receiver does not declare the acceptance of the proposal, if it is accepted, it is the receiver who executes the proposal, therefore, the impeccability of the commitment corresponds to the receiver (his responsibility). The declaration of offer, proposal of action or actions to the receiver, who accepts or not. If it is accepted, it is the sender who executes the proposal, i.e. us, therefore, the impeccability of the commitment corresponds to us (our responsibility). In both statements, there is a request or offer, if there is a statement of acceptance, and proposals or promises result in actions, which require follow-up and further evaluation. 9. Evaluation: This is the follow-up phase, and it is where we assess the impeccability of the commitment acquired, generating a certain level of satisfaction; in the case of the request, the value judgement corresponds to us (sender); in the case of the offer, the value judgement corresponds to the receiver - client, they value us. Depending on the level of satisfaction, a complaint, a request for a complaint meeting or a rupture of relations is produced, when it is negative, or on the contrary, credibility, trust or congratulations are generated, when it is negative, when it is negative, or on the contrary, credibility, trust or congratulations are generated, when it is negative, when it is negative, when it is negative, when it is negative. Positive. European Open Business School

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10. Next Conversation Engagement: This can be the consequence of postponing a conversation, of not declaring an end, of a complaint, a request for a grievance meeting or the generation of new concerns, which leads to restarting the design of a conversational project.

Conversational networks generate cyclical learning, i.e. it is a process of advancement and regression, but we understand that it is essential that the people who make up the management and those responsible require conversational competencies to be able to transform the realities and beliefs of the environment, building a new future aimed at achieving the great goal, which is the Purpose (Vision, Mission and Essential Values) that the company seeks.

1.4 The Generative Power of Language.

For centuries, we have considered language as an instrument that allows us to "describe" what we perceive (the outside world) or "express" what we think or feel (our inner world).

This conception gives language a fundamentally passive or descriptive capacity. Language, it was assumed, allowed us to talk "about" things. Reality, it was assumed, was already given, it preceded language and the latter was limited to "describing" it.

Building on developments in the field of the philosophy of language over the last decades, it is recognised that language not only allows us to talk "about" things: language also makes things happen.

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Because language is not passive; because it is action, it permanently generates new realities. We create the world with our interpretations and narratives, and with the capacity that language gives us to coordinate actions with others. As well as talking about things, we make things happen. That is why language is generative. By speaking, we open and close possibilities to create our future. The difference with the traditional interpretation is that we use language to describe reality. It speaks of reality, i.e. it does not assume the creation of things, they have already been created and language comes later to describe them. Each observer constructs his or her reality, and this reality depends on who the observer is and how the observer sees things. The reality that every observer forms according to the lens through which he/she observes the world will be conditioned / influenced by his/her beliefs, ideas or mental structures. Constructivism holds us solely responsible for our behaviour and actions, basing learning on reflection on our experiences. Each of us constructs the reality we want and organises our world based on experiences. We generate our own rules and mental models, we adjust our reality for learning and for the interpretation and understanding of our life. European Open Business School

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It is important to note, however, that we are not saying that everything that exists only exists in language. We are not denying the "existence" of a so-called "external reality", independent of language. But of such an "external reality", as external and independent of language, we cannot speak. Everything we speak of is, by definition, within the domain of language. Through language, we not only talk about things, but we alter the spontaneous course of events: we make certain things happen. It is enough to think of the infinite opportunities in which a person, a group, a country, changed direction and altered its history because someone said what they said. In the same way, we recognise that history (individual or collective) could have been so different from what it was if someone had kept quiet, if someone had not said what they said. Language, we argue, is not just a passive tool that allows us to describe how things are. Language is also active. Through it we participate in the process of constructing the world. In arguing that language is action, we are pointing out that language creates realities. We see this in many ways. By saying what we say, by saying it one way and not another, or by saying nothing at all, we open or close possibilities for ourselves and, often, for others. When we speak, we shape the future, our own and that of others. From what we said or were told, from what we kept silent, from what we heard or did not hear from others, our future reality is shaped in one way or another. But as well as intervening in the creation of the future, human beings shape our identity and the world we live in through language. How we operate in language is perhaps the most important factor in defining how we will be seen by others and by ourselves. We will soon discover how personal identity, our own and that of others, is a strictly linguistic phenomenon, a linguistic construct.

The same is true of the world we live in. Populated by entities, relations, actions and events, our world is constituted in language. Different worlds emerge according to the kind of linguistic distinctions we are able to make.

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The way we relate them to each other and according to the type of language games with which we operate in it.

FABLE OF THE POWER OF THE WORD

A group of frogs were travelling through the forest and suddenly two of them fell into a deep hole. The frogs gathered around the hole.

When they saw how deep it was, they told the two frogs at the bottom that for all practical purposes, they were as good as dead. The two frogs paid no heed to their friends' comments and kept trying with all their might to jump out of the hole. The other frogs kept insisting that their efforts would be futile. Finally, one of the frogs paid attention to what the others were saying and gave up, collapsed and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs shouted at it to stop suffering and just get ready to die. But the frog jumped harder and harder until he finally climbed out of the hole. When he came out, the other frogs asked him, "Didn't you hear what we were saying?"

The frog explained that she was deaf. She thought the others were encouraging her to make an effort to get out of the hole.

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This simple fable shows us how a few words can change the course of someone's life, turn some limiting belief into a richer perspective that allows for more options (in this case for one of the frogs to fight for his life). It also unfortunately illustrates that words can also confuse and LIMIT us. That important relationship between TRUST and ACTION demonstrated by the frog, which holds true on a general level in our lives, has an even more profound effect when we focus on the actions of language.

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2. COORDINATION OF ACTIONS

One of the most recent historical discoveries is that human action has a universal recurrent structure, observable in all epochs of human civilization, in all cultures and languages, and in all areas of social endeavor. The Basic Cycle of Action captures this universal structure of action and offers the possibility of designing complex processes of coordinating actions effectively with levels of rigor, quality, flexibility and efficiency far beyond what was previously possible.

Two human beings can only generate a new action by making a request or an offer: there is no other way to initiate a new activity.

In order for a coordination of actions to take place, four linguistic acts are necessary to ensure the desired results. We call these acts the commitment, the request , the offer , the declaration of compliance and the declaration of satisfaction . And this happens in four possible phases: Preparation, Negotiation, Execution and Evaluation.

It is therefore interesting to understand, in a very general way, what is involved in each of the four phases.

Commitments versus requests, offers and promises. 2.1.

Commitments: Both the one who commits and the one who receives the promise have a vision of the future based on the agreement. Problems arise when these commitments are not fulfilled or when there are other expectations, which is why communication quality is so important, as it will enable effective action.

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Three pathways to engagement:

• Promises.

Promises are linguistic acts different from assertions or statements, although they function within a declarative space. Promises are those linguistic acts that allow us to coordinate actions with others. When someone makes a promise, he or she makes a commitment to another to perform some action in the future. Promises involve an overt mutual commitment. They are the responsibility of the pledgee: the pledgee does so with absolute responsibility, with the exception of coercive situations. The commitment must be a free and voluntary act. If you do not want to do what the other person asks you to do, all you have to do is to say no. Adopting the role of victim takes away a person's value and dignity. They generate networks of commitment : each promise enables and implies other promises, with which it creates networks of commitments. Each promise is a link in the chain of commitments that sustains the functioning of the economic system.

Not all are explicit : Some pledges are explicit, some are not. The problem with implicit pledges is that different people may assume that different pledges are in place.

They are context-independent: different interpretations of contexts and commitments can wreak havoc on links where cultural differences exist.

They are settled by a declaration of fulfilment: a declaration of satisfaction on the part of the receiver will consider the promise to be fulfilled. If one accepts a request in which the interlocutor asks for something, one's promise remains open until the interlocutor fulfils it.

They always carry interpretative risk : It might be thought that by being careful in communications and diligent in actions, breaches of the rules can be avoided.

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Sometimes we come to the conclusion that the promiser is one person, but in reality the promiser was someone else.

The key is to remember that promises are context dependent and different people sometimes operate from different contexts.

They always carry executive (execution) risk: You think you can always do what you promise, but there is always the risk of something unforeseen preventing you from delivering. The riskier the promise, the more likely it is that something will fail. It is impossible to eliminate executive risk, but you can reduce it by promising only what you can deliver. Obscure promises generate misunderstandings: One of the ways to reduce executive risks is to increase interpretive risks by making ambiguous promises or hedging in order not to experience risks. Commitment is always a commitment to produce an outcome, not to try to produce.

As making promises requires mutual consent between the parties, to reach this consent we can proceed through two different actions: offers and demands.

• Offers .

An offer is a promise with a condition of reciprocity. In other words, one can promise something, if another helps him to carry out something. In this case the acceptance of the offer implies a commitment, both for the one who offers and for the one who accepts. A company's success depends on its ability to offer value to its customers and to get these customers to return that value with more money than it costs to generate it. The offer is aimed at the interests of the other, it is essential to listen and understand their situation in order to make proposals that generate value for them.

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It involves risk: Self-esteem and self-worth are based on the acceptance of one's offers. Offering seems to involve risk. If the offer is rejected, one will feel a decrease in self-esteem and self-worth. This is why many people are afraid to make offers, for fear of being rejected, so you frustrate yourself, before you frustrate others.

By not offering, one misses the opportunity to interact with others, to build deeper relationships and to grow through service.

• Petitions.

It is a linguistic act by which the one who asks tries to obtain a promise from the listener. In each case, the one who asks asks for the help of the listener, in order to generate certain conditions that will satisfy his or her concern. They are born out of a lack : Asking implies acknowledging that one wants or needs something that one can obtain more efficiently with the help of others. Making a request implies that one is not able to do something as effectively as the other could. They expose the requester: The admission of lack, which is implicit in the request, makes many people prefer not to ask or ask unclearly, trying to hide their needs. The idea that the most competent person is the one who asks for the least help wreaks havoc in organisations. Not asking for help is a circumstantial palliative to the deep-seated problem of self-esteem. The only way to transcend that difficulty is to recognise that human worth does not depend on being superhuman.

They can be tacit : a request does not need an explicit explanation, it only needs to be heard by the listener. What is important is not how the request is made, but how the request is heard. Although tacit requests are operative, they can lead to confusion when one thinks he or she is asking and the other does not realise that he or she has received a request.

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Fears and difficulties in asking, offering or complaining. 2.2.

In the conversation, for the coordination of actions, we generate future actions to take care of the existing breakdown. Its aim is to make something happen, to intervene in the current state of affairs. When we enter into them, we try to change what is causing the breakdown or to take care of its consequences. We are changing things from their present state and are therefore producing a turnaround in the normal course of events. If we are successful, we can normally expect the break to be overcome.

What are the actions associated with the "action coordination talks"?

The linguistic acts that allow new realities to emerge are requests, offers, promises and declarations.

One of the most effective ways to deal with breakdowns is to ask for help . Knowing how to ask for help is another of life's fundamental language skills. Many people often find it difficult to ask for help. If we ask why, we usually find that they have different judgements about the consequences associated with asking for help. Some will say, "If I ask for help I show weakness"; others, "I may be told no and I will feel rejected. Therefore, I prefer to manage on my own"; others will argue, "If I ask for help, I commit myself to having to give it back and thereby lose independence", and so on. Judgements and more judgements. They determine what we define as possible for us. The consequences of not asking for help are therefore often prolonged suffering, ineffectiveness, isolation. Distinguishing between personal judgement conversations and action coordination conversations is also crucial in the business world. If a new product does not sell according to expectations, we could become paralyzed if we limit ourselves exclusively to self-judgement conversations. However, we can change the situation if, for example, we ask for an investigation. European Open Business School

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We may also look for ways to make the product more attractive, or if we change some of the product's features and/or expand our advertising campaign. If the breakdown arises because one supplier cannot deliver some parts on time, then we can order them from other producers, and so on. Often the full implications between one type of conversation and the other are not seen. The power of conversations to change the state of affairs is therefore not seen.

When this difference is not recognised, language is used to describe and qualify what is happening, to discharge interpretations about why events occurred and to assign responsibility for what happened. The active nature of language is not harnessed to transform existing realities and generate new ones.

Howeverveces, there are understandable ways to initiate "talks for the coordination of actions".

We see two different kinds of reasons for this:

On the one hand, this happens when we do not know what action to take or what to do first. We do not know, therefore, what we could ask for in order to take care of the breakage. On the other hand, it is also often the case that, while we do know that we could ask, we have the judgement that the person with whom we should have a relationship is not the person with whom we should have a relationship. The "conversation for coordination of actions" is not open to having such a conversation. Or there may be a fear that this conversation will generate even more serious breakdowns if it is initiated. These two situations will be dealt with separately. We posit that even if it is not possible or desirable to engage directly in an "action coordination conversation", there remain other options before returning to the "personal judgement conversation" - options that will allow us a more effective

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management of our breakdowns and, ultimately, initiate a conversation to coordinate actions.

Difficulties to offer.

Trust is the foundation of any social relationship that is not based on force but on the authority that the other person confers on me, because he perceives me as a possibility for him. From trust we feel safe and supported by someone in future actions, and this makes us more creative and responsible in our work.

On the contrary, from distrust we feel insecure and, therefore, fear and vulnerability take over when we have to make decisions or propose new actions.

When norms or standards of behavior are ambiguous, not agreed or not respected, they affect the level of trust between members of an organization. How often do ambiguous business procedures lead to managers overruling salespeople or service providers? How often have such procedures not been constructed or validated with the people who have to apply them and so they look for shortcuts to comply? How often do people talk about it? How good are we at listening to each other's concerns? A leader's credibility is underpinned by his or her ability to listen to his or her team and to deliver on promises or commitments within the framework of shared values. This ability is an indicator of how much trust can be placed in him. His integrity and impeccability in what he promises is a product of being honest, accountable and competent. Otherwise he loses authority and may be the subject of malicious or cynical comments among his team members and will find it very difficult to coordinate actions with them. This does not mean that the leader is free from making mistakes in coordinating actions.

Difficulties in making a claim. Knowing how to make an effective complaint.

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When the other fails to deliver on the promise, the grievance is legitimized. This is based on an honest and rigorous conversation to redesign actions to repair the affected relationship and to generate a new process of action in order to achieve the desired outcome. We often avoid making a complaint in order not to appear problematic, to avoid embarrassing the other person, to avoid confrontation or to be very sceptical about the possibility of change. At other times I take on the role of the victim and instead of making a complaint I settle into complaining and stay in a vicious circle. The only thing we gain from both behaviors is to delay the achievement of the desired results. According to Kofman, for a claim to be productive, a number of elements need to be taken into account.

A summary of these is set out below:

1. Establish a purpose and context for the conversation (it is about resolving a problematic situation and not about shaming, disqualifying or punishing). 2. Affirm and corroborate the previous commitment (we had agreed that the project had 4 basic follow-up moments and you committed to be present at all of them). 3. Verify non-compliance: (In the last two follow-up meetings you were not present and I did not receive any apology from you).

4. Probe for reasons or motives for non-compliance (What happened to you? What is the story of the other?)

5. Assess damages and express claims at three levels:

• Operationally: we had to leave issues unfinished because your opinion was important.

• Relationally: "this affects..." (Usually a non-compliance generates a chain of non-compliance). (Generally a breach generates a chain of breaches).

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• Personally: "I feel" (talk about one, don't make judgements about the other).

6. Repair and new commitment: "I ask you to let us know well in advance if you have any problems".

7. Learning and preparing for the future: "I commit to send you the points to be resolved eight days in advance" (strengthening the most vulnerable part of the process).

2.3. Confidence Building.

In discussing the different linguistic acts we argued that one way to differentiate between them was to examine the different social commitments we make in performing each of them. We argued, therefore, that in making a statement we commit ourselves to the truthfulness and relevance of what we say. That in making a declaration, we commit ourselves to make our subsequent behaviour consistent with what we declare, as well as to the validity of what we declare. That in making a judgement, in addition to committing ourselves, as in all declarations, to its consistency and validity , we commit ourselves to ensuring that the judgement is well-founded . When talking about promises, demands and offers, we argued that we commit ourselves to the sincerity of what we promise or will promise, as well as to the fact that we have the competence to execute what we promise. Well, all these conditions, all these commitments involved in speaking, involve judgements that we make in each and every case. In speaking true or false, relevant or irrelevant, valid or invalid, consistent or inconsistent, well-founded or unfounded, sincere or insincere, competent or incompetent, we are making judgements about the speaker or what the speaker says. We are using language to judge speaking. We don't seem to have a way to break the chains.

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Of language, we can only go round and round within it in an indeterminate number of possible turns. There is no way out of the labyrinth of language. All these judgements lay the foundations for a judgement that is the mainstay of all forms of coexistence with others: the judgement of trust . Without trust I have no chance of building a stable relationship with others. Without trust, relationships as a couple, relationships with our parents and children, relationships at work, relationships in business, relationships between pupils and teachers, and so on, are undermined. No human relationship can develop properly without trust. Well, this condition, which is essential for our life and for the possibilities in it, results from a judgement we make about others (and which others, in turn, make about us). Given the recursive capacity of language, we can even speak of self-confidence, or the confidence we have in ourselves. As an expression of a judgement, confidence is a strictly linguistic phenomenon. It is only insofar as we are linguistic beings and, in this capacity, beings who can make judgements, that confidence as a phenomenon is constituted. If we accept that trust is constituted on the basis of a judgement, what kind of judgement are we alluding to? In order to investigate this question, it is perhaps convenient to start from those particular judgements that are related to the commitments we make when we speak, when we perform the different linguistic acts. For if we see all these judgements as associated with the phenomenon of trust, it may well be that they at least clear the way for us to reach a unitary understanding of trust as a phenomenon. Let us briefly re-examine, therefore, the different linguistic acts. Let us look at assertions. Will we be trusted by someone who is characterized by making false assertions? Will we be willing to take action on the basis of assertions provided by such a person? Can we therefore argue that there is a relationship between making untrue assertions and trust? In the same way, So, will we have confidence in

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